Talking about Love

It has been a long time since I have written a post. More than a year I think. I have stayed away from the blog since my marriage didn't work. There is so much that I was feeling and I felt that I wasn't in the liberty to share it. I mean, too many people know who I am. I cannot talk about what happened, don't want to air my dirty laundry in the internet. There are some things that are better left unsaid.
I have struggled with my feelings, with my understanding of what life is. And as I go through this journey that may very possibly end in divorce I contemplate on the meaning of Love. What is Love? Is it an emotion? An action? A decision? Energy?
I have always felt that Love was like a decision. You make a commitment to be with a person and you try to work it out, no matter what. But not everyone thinks that way and there is also the issue of how much do you tolerate? How far do you go to make something work without loosing your very lively hood? When is it okay to quit on a relationship?
I guess every person is different. Many people stay together for different reasons which may or may not include LOVE.
But if you define Love as the energy of creation. It is also a conscious choice.
Jesus taught us Christians about a different kind of Love than we are used to. Agape Love, the Unconditional love a person has towards others. A love that you choose to have towards humanity, that gives value to all beings and it triggers a desire to help and be of service to others. I get that. I get that Agape Love towards humanity. But society has placed the value that Love should have in Sex. The media equates love with sex. Everywhere it is plastered all over the medias. But that I just don't get. It may be because I was with only one man in my life and could only understand the concept of sex in the context of an exclusive relationship. But the world tells us that sex is fun, it is something you should do as much as it is humanly possible. You must try with as many people as possible so you can learn and have fun and have something to compare it to. So you can make an educated choice on who the right person should be.
I think that sex should NOT be the determining factor on whether a person is a good partner or not. I believe that when you find that perfect partner and you both feel a connection and make a commitment to each other then the sex is going to be great! It should come from two individuals who are mentally and emotionally connected and compatible and then physically compatible.
I have tried to understand the sex industry but I can't. I am not looking for a partner who will give me awesome sex. I want someone who I can connect with. Who cares about me and my daughters. Who is interested in knowing all about me and is in no rush to learn everything in a day. Someone who is a good role model, hard working man, with goals and aspirations, who enjoys doing acts of service just like me, or that would at least encourage me to continue to follow that path. Someone who is willing to stick by my side. No matter what.
What do you identify with Love? What does LOVE mean to you?

Can you choose who you fall in Love with?

Today I was pondering on what Love is. In the book The Power from Rhonda Byrne, Love is the positive force of Life.

"Everything you want to be, do or have comes from love"

The book speaks of Love as energy, it is what makes us like anything. Every creation is dependent on love, because it is the passion, and love of the inventor that allows him to create. It is everything we want in life.

But what about Romantic Love?

There are many sayings about how we cannot choose who we love. But what if we could?
Lately I have been contemplating on the idea, on the possibility that Romantic Love is something that we ourselves create. We can have total control over it.

Many will say that it is not true. Maybe I have never felt true love. Maybe every person I have loved I have done so because I wanted to Love them. Does this make sense?

If you think of Love as an emotion, and we think that emotions come from our thoughts, and we take into consideration that we have total control of our thoughts, then it would make sense that we are in control of who we choose to fall in love with.

When I look back at my life, and to all I have ever loved, I now can see that there was some choice involved. Sometimes you like a certain quality in someone, and you have a particular want for that, and you make a choice to allow that person into your heart.

In the book  The Secrets of Happily Married Women it is mentioned that in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship there is a chemical reaction in our bodies that makes us feel infatuated to our new partners. And I also read that:

According to scientific research, emotions are generated during the process of meeting and falling in love because of chemical reactions that occur in our bodies. For example, whenever you first meet someone and feel attracted, your brain creates phenyl ethylamine, known as the "love drug." Dopamine and norepinephren are two more chemicals that arise from just thinking loving thoughts about another. Those two help us to feel excited and interested enough to actually touch or kiss someone, and that sets off more chain reactions, beginning with serotonin, which produces feelings of relaxation. Now the door to trust is open.  (excerpt)

But this chemical reaction in our bodies is just temporary. We stay in love because we make a choice to keep our partners and we make a conscious effort to nurture the Love.

But I also believe that the first initial reaction to someone, that first inkling of love, is also voluntary. We have to be open to the idea of love, we have to be looking for something, and we have to be open to become vulnerable to that attraction once we see someone we like. We have hope that the other person will like us back and if they don't then we feel rejected and sad because we feel the loss after we made the choice to open our hearts and be vulnerable to it.

At this moment in time I feel like I am a little bit hardened, I'm more cautious when it comes to allowing other people into my life, but I am still open to the possibility of someday allowing myself to love and be loved.  But I feel weird lately that I am hardened like this, because I see my relationships with people as being significant, but I see them as practical. I make the choice to be friends with whoever is my friend, but being fully aware of their flaws and their good qualities, and I am so cautious as to not allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone at this time. But part of me doesn't like it because there is no sense of that excitement, that feeling of being ecstatic for anything. I enjoy my days, I enjoy my family, my friends, but I am not excited about stuff in general, except maybe the coconut pops from Henson's Canteen at the Loom (LOL)

But I guess this is just a temporary phase and in a not so far away future I will feel safe enough to be vulnerable once again.

What do you think about Love? Do you think it is possible to choose Love? Or do you think it is something that chooses us and we have no control over it?

Please share!

Career Vs Calling

As I continue this journey I must say that some days can be better than others. Yesterday I must say was not one of the best, and the day before was pretty bad too. However today was so much better! I love Sunday's because I start my day peacefully, I wake up and take some time to stay in bed just meditating, or talking to God, or just relaxing. Then I get up and get ready to go to Church. Going to Church always makes me feel good. I love Abundant Life Church, and the pastor Karim Camara. Everyone in the Church is so nice, it is very uplifting.

Towards the end of every service we are encouraged to come to the front of the altar, hold hands and say a special prayer, and as we are holding hands and we are listening to the pastor's words the woman holding my hand to my right starts crying. I hold on tight to her hand, and as the prayer finishes I go towards her and hug her. Then I let her go, and hug her once more, very tightly. I felt her energy go throughout my body. I got goosebumps, and I whispered in her ear: Everything is going to be OK. She thanked me, and as she pulled away I caressed her face tenderly. I know she felt better, and I did too. She thanked me several times, and I know I made a difference in that woman's life.

The pastor talked today about how we do not need to be perfect to be chosen by God. That many of the people in the Bible where not perfect, they were sinners, but they had a quality, and they where able to repent from their sins, and they are remembered for doing great things.

He talked about how sometimes we need to go through devastation to get to acceleration. That some of us are ready to allow God to accelerate us to greatness. That means that we are ready to allow God to accelerate us to greatness, allow him to bless us and not just for ourselves, but to help others. I feel that. I feel like I'm ready to put myself out there, I know I have a calling to help people, and I know that I'm ready to allow God to work through me and bless me by allowing me to be of service to other people.

Pastor Camara also mentioned the difference between a career and a calling, and I have a very clear defined difference between my career and my calling. I know that the job I have is not my calling, but through it I learn some skills that serve me to do my calling better.

I am here God, work through me, use me to be of service to others, help me help others, bless me so I can bless others.

Thank you Lord for a wonderful day, thank you for the words that I heard at Church today, thank you for a fun time at a friend's house, thank you for our meals, and the friends that we know are there for us.
Thank you for the ability to help others. Thank you for everything. Amen.

Have you ever thought about what could be your calling? Do you feel that your career and your calling are the same? Or do you see a clear difference between them?