Sunday, June 24, 2012
As I continue this journey I must say that some days can be better than others. Yesterday I must say was not one of the best, and the day before was pretty bad too. However today was so much better! I love Sunday's because I start my day peacefully, I wake up and take some time to stay in bed just meditating, or talking to God, or just relaxing. Then I get up and get ready to go to Church. Going to Church always makes me feel good. I love Abundant Life Church, and the pastor Karim Camara. Everyone in the Church is so nice, it is very uplifting.
Towards the end of every service we are encouraged to come to the front of the altar, hold hands and say a special prayer, and as we are holding hands and we are listening to the pastor's words the woman holding my hand to my right starts crying. I hold on tight to her hand, and as the prayer finishes I go towards her and hug her. Then I let her go, and hug her once more, very tightly. I felt her energy go throughout my body. I got goosebumps, and I whispered in her ear: Everything is going to be OK. She thanked me, and as she pulled away I caressed her face tenderly. I know she felt better, and I did too. She thanked me several times, and I know I made a difference in that woman's life.
The pastor talked today about how we do not need to be perfect to be chosen by God. That many of the people in the Bible where not perfect, they were sinners, but they had a quality, and they where able to repent from their sins, and they are remembered for doing great things.
He talked about how sometimes we need to go through devastation to get to acceleration. That some of us are ready to allow God to accelerate us to greatness. That means that we are ready to allow God to accelerate us to greatness, allow him to bless us and not just for ourselves, but to help others. I feel that. I feel like I'm ready to put myself out there, I know I have a calling to help people, and I know that I'm ready to allow God to work through me and bless me by allowing me to be of service to other people.
Pastor Camara also mentioned the difference between a career and a calling, and I have a very clear defined difference between my career and my calling. I know that the job I have is not my calling, but through it I learn some skills that serve me to do my calling better.
I am here God, work through me, use me to be of service to others, help me help others, bless me so I can bless others.
Thank you Lord for a wonderful day, thank you for the words that I heard at Church today, thank you for a fun time at a friend's house, thank you for our meals, and the friends that we know are there for us.
Thank you for the ability to help others. Thank you for everything. Amen.
Have you ever thought about what could be your calling? Do you feel that your career and your calling are the same? Or do you see a clear difference between them?
Posted by Cocoons 2 Butterflies at 11:04 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I have been away for over a month, and before that I was scarce as well. Some changes have been going on in my life that I was not ready to talk about them. But recently I have been feeling the need to get them out. Tell them to the world so I can focus on finding the path that I'm supposed to take.
I have been trying to restructure this Blog, and I think that life has made it so that I don't have a choice in this matter, it has just transformed me completely and with it this Blog.
When I chose the name Cocoons2Butterflies, I chose it because it was what I have been trying to achieve for most of my life. I have been on this constant quest to find myself, and just when I think I have found me, I realize that there's much more of me to find.
I feel that this journey should be shared. Because maybe, there is someone out there who will benefit from my story.
I am still learning, and every day I look forward to knowing a little bit more about myself than the day before.
The event that has triggered this new path is when I made the decision to stay in NYC and not move to Florida as I was expecting to do. With this choice I have made, I also turned into a single mom, something I didn't want to be. However, I feel that this was the right choice, and when I made it I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. I no longer feel anxiety every morning, I no longer cry every single day.
This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but I know that it was the right choice.
With this change in my life I have realized that even though I thought that I had found myself, now, with this new life ahead of me I realized that there is so much I don't know about myself and so many bad habits engrained in me, things I have to get rid of. Fear of rejection, a neediness for affection, low self esteem, feeling that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough...
But there are some things I do know now, like.
I love to sing out loud because it makes me feel like I am releasing into the wind all my feelings, be it of frustration, or love.
I love to dance, the movement of my body also allows me to release those feelings that are trapped inside of me, it makes me feel good.
I like to listen to music in Spanish. This is something I had not done since High School. When I was 13 I had my first boyfriend. I remember he liked Metallica, I had no clue who they where, but I bought their cassette and listened to it until I liked it. This was the beginning of a life of Rock and Heavy Metal music. I grew up as a "Rockera" but now, at age 37 I asked myself. What kind of music do I like? A few years ago I learned to like Hip Hop, and I listen to J-Pop with my daughter Gaby. But all these have been influences from other people in my life. So I again questioned myself and went back to my childhood, what did I listen to, before I was 13? And the answer was Spanish music. So I decided to find a Spanish Music Station who plays a wide variety of songs in Spanish and a few in English and I have been discovering many songs that I enjoy very much, I made a YouTube playlist and I learn the lyrics of the songs and I sing them at the top of my lungs and I feel great!
I love to learn new things. I love to read, especially books that teach me about how to better myself or anything new that interests me.
I love God. I was raised Catholic and went to school, and learned the Bible, and after I graduated high school I never went back to Church, but recently a friend asked me to be her daughter's godmother for her Confirmation and it required me to be a Church goer. I had to get a priest to sign a form saying that I went to Church every Sunday and that I was a member of the Church. So I went to Church every Sunday and registered myself with the Church and got the paper signed. I was also able to participate and be the Godmother of my adorable goddaughter Marylin. After that passed, my friend April asked me if I wanted to go to Church with her. She is not Catholic, and she goes to a non-denominational Church. One day when I was feeling specially stressed out and in a bad place I decided to call her up and say that I wanted to go to Church with her, and I must say that it changed my life. I really love this Church, it really makes me feel like part of a community, and I feel the presence of God, and I feel that every week the pastor says exactly the words that I need to hear, and I know God is speaking at me through him. I never believed that I would feel this way since I had ignored God for a big chunk of my life. But here I am, and I know that's where I should be.
I love my wavy hair. My hair is normally wavy, and when I was in college I always wore it showing off the curls. But after I moved to NYC I started straightening out my hair and did so, every day. Recently I allowed my mom to convince me to cut my hair and start wearing it curly again. I must say I am very glad, it looks nice, my friends and co-workers keep complimenting me on it and it is so much easier to take care of. People say: I love what you have done with your hair. And I say: Well, I didn't do anything to it. This is my natural hair.
So here it is, a little bit of what I am learning in this New Beginning. I hope you join me on this journey and find yourself once again if you feel that any part of you has already been lost. Just know that the parts of you that are lost, are just merely waiting for you to find them and they will make you shine once more.
Name 5 things that you love! Share the Love!